other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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