If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize