I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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