Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
