we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
