he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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