I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Terrible idea I love it
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
