i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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