when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
