I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
NoShamevember. You game?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
