CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
