When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
