She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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