everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
