last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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