It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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