Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I love you. Go after that dick
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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