walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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