Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
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I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
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These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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