Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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