take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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