I hate your face
I think I died a long time ago.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
