No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
