I just saw a hot homeless man
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
