At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
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Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
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He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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