I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
