At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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