Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
