i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
