yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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