Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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