If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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