You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
