Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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