He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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