THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
