3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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