You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
