My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
