Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
