Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
