I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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