Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
