I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
