Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
