dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
