i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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