I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I wannas sexs uuuuu
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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