By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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