Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
