at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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