Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
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She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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