You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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