Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
you had me at cake vodka
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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