I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You made out with two different species that night
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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