I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
not ubering you a puppy
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
