Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
you win again, gameday.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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