Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
