So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I wish I only lived at night.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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