I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
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I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
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But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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