Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
