sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
