I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
