I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
