im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
