and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
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Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
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i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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