u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
