ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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