i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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